Levi's birth had been planned. I was living freely in a naturally crunchy community, and was watching my friends have babies. I recall being anxious about failing my math course again and decided that I was burnt out on school for the time being and would focus on working and maybe even starting my family. I was in love with the man who I thought was my life and our little community of friends just kept growing- it was almost as if pregnancy became addicting or contagious. A group of us worked at a natural food store and we all became pregnant within the same sixth month time frame. I believe at one point there were six of us pregnant and customers constantly commented on not wanting to drink the water for fear of catching the preggo-bug.
Despite being around so many pregnant women, everyone was choosing different birthing styles. At first, I chose what state medicaid coverage could provide me and chose what seemed to be the most "pro-Woman friendly" practice (I chose by name alone, really, while searching in the yellow pages), It was some name like Womancare or something like that and I thought that somehow would mean the woman had a part in her care...certainly found that was not the case. I was only in my first trimester when they wanted to start different invasive tests and I just knew this wasn't the type of care I was looking for.A few friends were birthing with the local midwives. I would hear stories while working about moms delivering their babies by candlelight, soft music and the stars alone shining through their windows. It sounded exquisite. It sounded lovely. It was precisely what I wanted.
I had been born a breech footling cesarean baby. My brother was a repeat C/S, as it was just the way it was done when my mom was pregnant. My mother always told us our birth stories on our birthday, a tradition I have continued with my children. I never sensed that there was anything wrong about the way I was born, or that my mom ever felt anything was lacking in our births, but I certainly came away feeling something lacking from it. My mom would laugh when I asked if she felt robbed of a natural birth and she would say, "but you kids have such great shaped heads." I know my cesarean was necessary for being the stubborn breechling I was. But I didn't feel my mom had any clue about what birth was really about. My father was also barred from the operating room and I spent days in the baby room next to the nurses station while my mom recovered from her surgery. My father waited patiently two days until he was able to finally hold me, his daughter, and it was two days before I was reunited with my mom. I knew early on, even in my teens hearing my birth story, that I wanted to be more involved, an active participant in welcoming my children into the world.
Pre-natal care with the midwives was one of the most empowering experiences I have ever had. It directly influenced my level of care and increased my knowledge as a woman and soon to be new mom. I had extreme hyperemesis and was able to work with my midwife to find what worked for me- or at least what helped me get through the 40 weeks without having to be on experimental cancer medication (what i had been prescribed in my early months while experiencing a bout of dehydration), bed rest, or numerous IV's. I was assisted in monitoring my own urine which gave me direct insight into what I was feeding my body, and in turn make the best choices for my son and I.
About a week out from Levi's birth day I visited the local herbalist for a labor tincture to get things going. I had been having contractions mildy for a few weeks, but I was eager as any new mom to get the little one here. After 4 days of taking the tincture (with my midwife's approval) the cramping began to get much more intense. I spent days out on our land walking through the snow with our dogs and trying to get the house in order because I knew it would be soon. The night before I went into labor I had a friend over who was into massage and reiki and she gave me an excellent foot massage that touched all those great pressure points. I remember at one point as she was rubbing around my achilles I thought, "if this doesn't do it, I don't know what will". She left and I bedded down for the night.
My partner was working overnight at his seasonal job and I called him early in the morning when I awoke with my first real laboring contractions. I remember how much more intense it was than the "practice" contractions I had been having the past couple of months and I was happy we didn't live close to anyone as I began bellowing out in the night. I was a bit worried that maybe I would go into labor quickly without anyone there, but I ultimately decided it would be best to just rest and stay calm through the early morning. My partner arrived home around 5 am, and I can recall being on the bed groaning as he walked through the door. He was worried for me and wanted to call the midwives, but I told him to get naked! We were going make love one last time before our son entered this world, and I knew from what the midwives had told me that what "put that baby in there will also get the baby out!" I was right on- when we were done, I got up to walk around and instantly lost my mucus plug. We called the midwives and let them know of the early morning happenings. My contractions were hard, but irregular through the day. They would last a long time, 45 seconds to a minute, but the time between would be random- maybe 5 minutes for some time, then 3, then back up to 6 minutes. I just went with the flow and allowed my body to act on it's intuition. I rocked, danced, and crawled on my hands and knees during labor. It was truly one of the most animalistic and instinctual processes I have ever encountered.
That morning in town, there was a huge snowstorm. Record inches of snow that winter, and we lived on National Park land in a little cabin with dirt access roads. The midwives tried convincing us to come into town to birth at the center, since there were other moms in town birthing that weekend and it was proving to be a busy weekend. I told them I was not going anywhere. If there was an emergency on our part, that was one thing, but if it was just out of convenience, then I wasn't budging.
One midwife showed up around 11 am to check me and found I was around 4 cm. She had to rush back into town to pick up some supplies, but promised to be back with the rest of the gang. I remember all day just being really tuned into my body, but also not being able to fully release myself into the labor process because I was still waiting for everyone to show, and still waiting on my parents too! They were flying in from Chicago and had horrible icy weather to contend with. I think sub-consciously my body was waiting to let go when my mom got there. I think deep down I wanted her to experience a natural birth as much as I was.
Everything progressed beautifully through the afternoon. I don't remember things getting really crazy until later into the evening when I wanted to go the bathroom and after I came back they told me I was near complete and Levi was ready to be born. I went through so many different positions just trying to find one that worked for me and also for my son. I ended up on all fours, arms and breasts over a large yoga ball, my backside hanging out like an animal. I had both doulas encouraging me, while the midwives worked my perineum to try and keep me free of any tears. Around 5 pm we got a call that my parents were on their way. They had somehow made it into the state and were now quickly driving through the snow to get there to welcome their first grandson. I held out. I know Levi was probably ready to come, but I wasn't ready to push.
Those last two hours seemed like five minutes and eternity all rolled into one. I tuned everyone out, focused on my breathing and was so into all my growling animal noises I was making (I even asked who turned the zoo music on at one point, to which everyone said, that's you!) When someone told me my parents had finally arrived I was able to really let go. I think the midwives sensed the change in me, because as soon as my mom walked in they told me to start pushing. I was moved onto my back, but into a more sitting position with my partner behind me. I was mostly upright as I pushed mightily hard to get this little one out. When a pregnant woman tells you pushing a baby out feels as if you are taking the largest stubborn poop of your life, they are 100% correct. Mid-push someone asked me if I wanted my father to come in. "Are you kidding me?" I thought. I didn't want my dad to see me naked much more trying to push a baby out. And then they asked again and I was so annoyed I said I didn't care. My father walked in, calmly laid his hand on my head, and wooosh! Levi came rushing out! It was the most surreal transfer of energy I have ever felt. I almost wonder if whoever brought my dad in knew what kind of power was about to be transferred.So my son was born in this major chi-energy transfer, and into loving midwife arms who discovered he was still in the caul! I wish I had a picture, or had actually been aware to look down, but Levi was actually still in his bag of waters, which never broke. My midwife later told me indigenous peoples view those that are born in the caul as intuitive, sometimes given the honor of future shaman or healer (to which describes my son perfectly). Levi was born at 7:10 pm, weighing 6 lbs, 10 oz perfect Apgar scores and all that.
Levi was an instant nurser. He began breastfeeding right away, as I delivered the placenta and went through post birth clean-up. We nursed that night for 3 hours straight. The midwives made a beautiful placenta tree stamp art out of his placenta, and we vowed to do something special with Levi's "little brother" (placenta). We ended up burying it on the land we lived on which was nestled next to a Anasazi native burial ground. We snuck in one night with Levi and buried it, giving reverence to those that watched over us the night he was born.
Post-birth for us was maybe not the same experience most home birthing mothers get, but I feel it is important to include this:
Because there were so many mothers giving birth that same weekend, our midwives left quickly after to get moving onto the next birth. I think everyone believed that because everything went so beautifully and smooth that all was good. It turned out not to be- 36 hours after his birth, we discovered that what we thought was Levi's anus was nothing more than a tiny pinhole that was letting a small amount of meconium out. I had thought it was weird for him to have barely pooped by the second day, and he was becoming more lethargic and began throwing up meconium. We immediately went to get checked out and the pediatrician just looked at us in disbelief that we hadn't discovered his lack of a anus. It was gut-wrenching to be heli-vacced to a children's hospital and live with my son in the NICU for the following 12 days of this life. But it also made me realize that that no matter how important it was for me to birth naturally and in my own space, there is always a time and place for conventional medicine and that it cannot be ignored how important doctors are for lifesaving measure in birth, and after. I am sure a lot of my friends and family thought, "well if you just had the baby in the hospital they would have discovered that Levi needed life-saving surgery right AT birth and not 48 hours later". This is true. I have kicked myself over and over feeling guilty about not knowing that Levi's butt was not right. I have questioned why the midwives wouldn't have seen it on their first body check or second check on the second day. But I also think of all of the interventions I avoided through having a homebirth to begin with. A hospital birth would not have given Levi a complete anus, it only would have been discovered sooner. The likelihood that I would have left the hosptial with way more birthing interventions, possibly a cesarean (which I have since had with my second) is way scarier to me than what I endured after. As my son lay in a incubator on morphine on his 5th day of life, I just kept thinking, I am so glad you were peacefully brought into the world, in your own way, on your own time, with love and peace surrounding you, at home.
(note: This is my first post! Hurray! It's been some time since sharing my thoughts with the world. I decided to post Levi's homebirth in response to viewing Kourtney Kardashian literally pull her baby out of her vagina and all the comments of awe and respect in response to her public birth (see the birth here:
http://jezebel.com/5477236/keeping-up-with-the-kardashians-a-reality-star-is-born/ I wish natural birth was normalized more so that women would know what to expect and wouldn't see births like these as abnormal or rare, but rather what to expect when you give birth as an educated and empowered woman.)
And a beautiful sunset provided by Mother Nature. She always provides at the perfect moment. 
Posts
